Silence: Raising Vibrations Through Recovery

The Lambda Center here in Phoenix often hosts guest speakers on special occasions and recovery-related events. On one particular evening, I decided to attend for fellowship and to hear the story of the speaker who had been invited to share. As I walked in and found a seat, I had no idea that the beautifully dressed woman sitting in the front row would soon be introduced as that evening's speaker. That woman was Regina. It's no secret that, like myself, Regina struggled with addiction. Yet she chose to use her experiences to help others who were still fighting for their sobriety. Whether I was in recovery or struggling with relapse at the time, I'm not entirely sure. What I do know is that I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to hear her speak and eventually form a connection with her that extended beyond the walls of the Lambda Center. When Regina's name was called and she stepped forward to share her story, I was immediately captivated by her elegance, confidence, and presence. Over the years, I had heard many people tell their stories at Lambda, but hearing one from the perspective of an African American woman resonated with me in a unique way. Addiction affects people from all walks of life, yet each person's experience is shaped by their own background, identity, and circumstances. Listening to Regina felt familiar and deeply personal because parts of her story reflected pieces of my own journey. Her presentation took us through a range of emotions—from laughter and sarcasm to moments that brought many of us to tears. By the time she finished speaking, I knew I wanted to thank her personally for sharing so openly and honestly. After the meeting ended, we spent some time talking before eventually exchanging phone numbers. I told her it would be an honor to interview her on my podcast one day. Unfortunately, that opportunity never came to pass. Instead, we maintained a connection through social media, occasionally commenting on one another's posts and supporting each other from afar. During a recent meditation, I found myself praying for Regina and asking God to have mercy upon her soul. She was, and continues to be, a vessel through which hope, healing, and inspiration were shared with others—especially those still battling addiction. One of my regrets is that I never developed a deeper personal friendship with her. Yet I find comfort in believing that relationships do not end simply because someone's physical presence is gone. The impact they leave behind continues to live on in the hearts of those they touched. Regina, thank you for inspiring me to continue sharing my own story. Your courage that night at Lambda left a lasting impression on me. You were a gift not only to the LGBTQ+ community but to people from all walks of life. Your voice, your spirit, and your willingness to be vulnerable helped others feel less alone. Continue shining as brightly in spirit as you did here on Earth. You will be deeply missed. Though my dream of interviewing you never became reality, I am grateful that our paths crossed when they did. May you rest peacefully in God's loving embrace. My heartfelt condolences go out to your family, friends, and all those whose lives were blessed by your presence. With love and gratitude, Silence
 
 
Music Disclaimer: The music featured in this episode is used for inspirational and entertainment purposes only. I do not own the rights to the music, and all rights remain the property of their respective owners.

While taking inventory of my YouTube platform and deleting old posts, I came across a powerful reminder of just how brutal addiction can be.
About two years ago, I worked as a housekeeper at the Hilton Phoenix Airport here in the Valley. During that period, I was also deeply trapped in my addiction. There were many days when I arrived at work under the influence. As a result of my substance abuse, my skin would break out severely, especially across my forehead.
Working in a four-star hotel surrounded by bright lighting certainly didn't help. During those years, all I wanted to do was hide from the world like a vampire and remain in complete darkness. Instead, I was expected to interact with managers, coworkers, and hotel guests on a daily basis. Fulfilling guest requests and working in close proximity to others often left me feeling exposed and uncomfortable.
One thing that helped me navigate that difficult chapter was the makeup experience I had developed earlier in life while living as a transgender woman. Those skills, along with hairstyles that covered my forehead, helped conceal many of the wounds caused by the repetitive cycle of addiction and self-destruction.
In this recording, I also share a recent experience involving a test that could have easily led me back into relapse. Recognizing what was taking place, I intentionally put protective barriers in place and remained mindful of the situation. By choosing silence, maintaining healthy boundaries, and staying focused on my recovery, I was able to overcome the temptation and remain sober for another day.
What makes this experience even more significant is that it occurred during a weekend—a time when many people in recovery find themselves most vulnerable to relapse. Since recording this episode, I have continued to move forward in my sobriety journey and am now well beyond the sobriety date mentioned in the recording.
This is exactly why sharing these small mustard seeds of faith and hope is so important to me. Far too many people are still struggling in silence. Far too many lives are being lost to addiction. If sharing my story helps even one person choose recovery over relapse, then every difficult chapter of my journey has served a purpose.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any music featured in this episode. All rights belong to the respective artist(s) and copyright holder(s).
I truly appreciate your support through your likes, comments, shares, and continued encouragement. Happy sober living, and much love to each of you.

Many helping professionals enter this field with a genuine desire to serve others, yet the reality of chronic understaffing, overwhelming caseloads, limited resources, and constant exposure to crisis can leave workers frustrated, compassion fatigued, burned out, and emotionally exhausted. Over time, this level of stress can place tremendous strain on the nervous system and leave even dedicated staff questioning whether they can continue in their roles.
Unfortunately, that stress does not remain isolated. It can affect workplace culture, relationships among staff, and ultimately the quality of care provided to those who depend on these services. While many professionals are deeply committed to helping others, there are also individuals who may have entered the field for reasons that have little to do with service and support.
One of the most eye-opening aspects of my own journey has been recognizing behavioral patterns that mirror the very struggles many clients and patients face. As a person in recovery, I have become increasingly aware of how addiction, unresolved trauma, burnout, and unhealthy coping mechanisms can impact not only those receiving services, but sometimes those providing them as well.
The more I observe these realities, the more I understand how neglect, mistreatment, and various forms of abuse can develop within systems that are stretched beyond their limits. This does not excuse harmful behavior, but it does highlight the importance of accountability, proper support, adequate staffing, and healthy workplace environments.
My goal is not to judge or condemn anyone. Rather, it is to remain aware of what is happening around me, continue focusing on my own recovery, and do my best to be part of the solution rather than contributing to the problem. The deeper I look beneath the surface, the more I realize that healing is needed not only for those receiving care, but often for those providing it as well. Thank you to everyone supporting this episode. Your downloads, listens, and shares are truly appreciated.
Please note that any music included in this episode is not owned by me. All rights and credit belong to the respective artist(s), creator(s), and copyright holder(s).

Before I begin discussing what this episode is truly about, I want to apologize for the music not being incorporated into the beginning and ending of this recording. Unfortunately, there’s an issue with my wireless headset that prevents the music from being heard while recording. So no worries about copyright concerns — it’s not like y’all can hear the music anyway.
I created this episode because the longer I remain clean from substance abuse, toxic cycles, and generational bondage, the more clarity God continues to reveal through spiritual discernment and awakened understanding. At the same time, I constantly have to remind myself that every battle is not mine to fight. Some battles belong to God because He is far better equipped to handle them than I am.
I truly believe I was called into this field of work for several reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is exposure to truth — even the uncomfortable truth hidden beneath the surface. Recently, I began reflecting more deeply on certain recovery environments and twelve-step meetings I once genuinely enjoyed attending. Over time, I started recognizing patterns that caused me to question whether some systems are fully focused on healing or whether, in some cases, people unintentionally become trapped within repetitive cycles that are difficult to escape.
What makes this even more heartbreaking is that the unhealthy behaviors of individuals who are still deeply conditioned by addiction, manipulation, and dysfunction can sometimes overshadow those who are sincerely fighting for change, healing, and freedom in their lives. And those individuals deserve real support, real guidance, and real opportunities to rebuild themselves.
This episode is not about condemning people. It’s about awakening discernment, asking deeper questions, and learning how to see beyond surface appearances. Please join me as I unpack truths that often go unnoticed in everyday life and recovery culture.
Thank you in advance for downloading, listening, and supporting this journey. Until the next episode — allow truth, wisdom, healing, and discernment to guide your path forward.
Much love, healing, and peace.

As Jesus mentioned in the Bible, “It is finished.”
I created this episode after attempting to go live tonight, only to receive a message stating that this feature officially ended on the 18th of this month and will be fully phased out sometime in June.
While I was initially disappointed, I chose to view the situation from a different perspective. Much like the renovations taking place within my own temple and personal journey, I realized that sometimes inventory must be taken in order to move forward. I’m sure Podbean reached a similar conclusion — recognizing that maintaining the livestream feature may have cost more than simply removing it altogether.
Even so, this is far from the end of the world.
I’m genuinely grateful for the opportunity Podbean gave me to share my story with people from all across the globe. Through this platform, I’ve encountered some truly amazing individuals — and, admittedly, a few not-so-amazing ones as well. Regardless, every interaction became part of the experience, the growth, and the journey.
For that, I remain thankful.
Although I remain uncertain regarding my long-term journey here on Podbean, the platform itself has been an incredible learning experience — helping shape me into a more polished speaker, communicator, and podcaster. I sincerely pray that whatever decisions I make moving forward, many of you will continue to be part of that journey alongside me.
I mainly created this episode as an update. Although there have been difficult and trying moments along the way, God has continuously taken those experiences and used them for my growth, strength, and elevation. For that alone, I could not be more grateful.
Within this episode, I discuss relapse, perseverance, earning certifications, temptation, spiritual warfare, and the various challenges that arise while attempting to grow, heal, and walk with purpose.
Thank you all in advance for your continued support, encouragement, and understanding during this transitional season moving forward.

[RECORDED YESTERDAY NIGHT] Thank you for tuning into Raising Vibrations! My apologies for just now uploading this content later rather than sooner. In this live stream. I wanted to share some words of encouragement with those addicts still suffering. The weekends were a huge trigger for me while deep in my addiction. The control that "THE GODDESS ISHTAR" had over me with mind altering substances, sexual rituals, porn, secular music, scallywags, and just simply crossing ethical boundaries is exactly what this spirit wants! And not just from me either! "NO ONE IS EXEMPT DUE TO HER POSSESSIONS!" I now know why my family's lineage has suffered for so long. And why I'm the chosen one of the family picked to uplift them from their bandages! Unfortunately, acts of paganism has destroyed my family, and this world for decades! Addiction, mental, physical, verbal abuse, alehouse worship, god and goddess worship, sexual relations outside of marriage, sexuality identification boundary crossing, societal conditioning, etc! I am the generation chosen to carry my lineage to promising grounds! Unfortunately but fortunately, with each relapse that I experience, something new is revealed to me about myself, the world, and man! "THANK YOU JESUS THAT I'M PART OF THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF IT!" Join me to help set free, not only those addicts still suffering, but ourselves from years of unnecessary conditioning! Until my next upload, happy sober living and namaste. Also, thanks to those who took the opportunity to engage in the live stream chat last night! You all know who your are and much love!
[DISCLAIMER: NON OF THE MUSIC SHARED ON THIS PROGRAM BELONGS TO ME. THE MUSICAL CONTENT IS COURTESY OF AMAZON MUSIC.]

In this episode. I explain "HOW I DID IT" and beat the odds. Even while going through phases of addiction and relapse! Though I made the mistake of falling victim to the "HOLIDAY" relapse quad. I managed, with the help of the invisible, to persevere. Which in return, opened the doors to some major opportunities! Satan took so much from me because it's what I allowed. Now that I realize how much of a value I am within the spirit realm. Is the very reason why Satan won't leave me the fuck alone! He knows that Source is elevating me to a level of unstoppable! This is where I'll truly shine. If he doesn't want it for any of you. What makes me think that I'm exempt!!! "I AM NOT!" But considering the fact that I'm "WELL" protected via Source. There's really nothing Satan can do in order to harm me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not exempt from this either! But when you're chosen. Source devotes more than enough protection in order for us to fulfill his missions while on earth. I created this content, not to glorify relapse, but to let it be known that it still can be done! I am a testimony of this considering what I'm sharing via this content. And unfortunately, the world plays a huge role in this as well regarding control, mind manipulation, status, identity theft, etc. I'll never be able to take back the fact, it was me who decided to open "PANDORA'S BOX" that night in Vegas when I decided to indulge. But I be damned if I allow that night to define me, or take away from me. It's refining me by giving to me what it tried to withhold! I pray that my story encourages addicts, and/or the non, that it doesn't stop unless you allow it to! Until my next upload of hope and encouragement. Much love and namaste. [DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE MUSIC FEATURED ON TODAY'S SHOW. THE MUSIC IS COURTESY OF AMAZON MUSIC.]

In this episode. I share some stories of encouragement that goals can still be accomplished. Yes, even while going through relapse phases! I managed to achieve my (CPI) certification while relapsing on the eighth of this month. Hell, I even achieved my peer support certificate in 2022 while dealing with intermittent relapses. I'm not at all trying to influence it. I'm just saying that you can still achieve even if you've fell off of the bandwagon. Which in my case, has opened the doors for me becoming a certified (BHT). Which is an acronym for, "BEHAVIORAL HEALTH TECHNICIAN." Then within a couple of days. I'll be attending a course geared toward the prevention of suicide. Which will hopefully land me a job working with the national suicide prevention phone line! That's not it for I have a few other endeavors to accomplish. Plus I still have magazine interviews to start and finalize. For some addicts, tackling these achievements while going through a phase of relapse isn't easy. With the help of the invisible, and the strength from my own damn self. I overcame and doors continue to open, heavenly promises are being fulfilled, I'm earning certifications geared towards helping myself and others, abundance is flowing my way, etc. My spiritual path of living life as a humanitarian is going to be a humbling and rewarding experience indeed. Also, caller (CARLA) calls in with her own story of trial and error centered around addiction. But wait until you hear her victorious moment that overshadows her addiction, and her most recent relapse! This is exactly why I do what I do regarding my platforms! To give hope, strength, and encouragement to those needing it the most. Especially all of my addicts that are still suffering in silence! Until my next upload of hope and encouragement. Happy sober living and namaste.